Learning to Breathe 11/?
Oct. 28th, 2013 11:43 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
reggie11Chapter Eleven: Asphyxiate
Rating: NC17
Genre: RPS AU
Characters/ Pairings: Jared/Jensen
Word Count: Approx 2,600
Disclaimer: This story in no way represents the actors' real lives. I think of them as actors cast in the roles of fictional characters and the story is strictly AU. Don't own anything but my own words.
Warnings: This chapter contains graphic non-con/sexual assault by multiple assailants. Also contains homophobic language. Please heed the warnings if these may be triggers for you.
Author’s Notes: I debated for weeks whether or not to include this chapter because of the content because I know from messages I’ve received that I have some readers who are survivors of sexual assault. I have no problem with reading or writing non-con but I wasn’t sure if it would be the right addition to this particular story. I’ve decided to add it as it’s allowing us to see what happened through Jared’s eyes. Some of you may not want to read it because it is very graphic and disturbing. If it’s a trigger for you then it would be a good idea to bypass everything under the cut which is the assault in flashback. All chapter titles are the names of songs. Chapter title is Asphyxiate by Earth Crisis.
He was still shaky from almost having to return home and was wondering why Nicki had been so rude to him earlier. They had always gotten along fine even though she used to grate on his nerves the way she always twisted Jensen around her little finger to get her own way but he’d never let that show out of respect for his best friend. Yeah, things had gotten tense when Nicki cheated on Jensen because naturally he had taken Jensen’s side but he’d kept out of the arguments and held his tongue with her and focused on supporting his friend through an incredibly painful divorce. The only time he had Nicki had ever had terse words was when she was going for a huge divorce settlement and got really nasty with Jensen. After that, things had always been very civil whenever they saw each other which, admittedly, wasn’t very often.
When he heard the footsteps thundering down the wooden floor of the hallway followed by Nicki shouting, his heart almost stopped.
“Is the letter true, Jared? Were you having a homo affair with my husband while we were married? Were you taking it up the ass in our bed?”
The affair question was ridiculous but it was the second sentence which had the blood draining from his face. As he opened the door to the bedroom his body was remembering the agonizing pain of being violated. His heart was hammering so hard in his chest he thought he might either throw up or pass out. Then Nicki got right up in his face and screamed, “Is it?” and the world went black.
The next sensation he was semi-aware of was of hands touching and pulling at him and he was pitched right back to that night.
Two sets of hands had a painful grip on his biceps and there was the heavy weight of someone pinning his legs from the knees down. He was still trying to focus as he came swimming back from his brief unconsciousness trying to figure out where he was and what was happening. He yelled as he was tugged up to his knees by a vicious grip in his hair. He could see that he had been dragged into an alley at the far end of the parking lot where there were no lights.
“You can have the money, my wallet’s in my pocket and my watch is a Tag Heuer. Take them both just please, don’t hurt me,” he begged.
“Who said anything about money, you filthy fag?”
He couldn’t believe what was happening. He was about to be beaten up because of a character he played in a movie? This was insane.
“Look guys, I’m not gay, that was just someone I played in a movie!”
The grip in his hair got impossibly tighter and his eyes were watering from the intense sting of having it pulled so hard.
“Oh look boys, the little fairy is crying. Where’s your fag boyfriend now huh? Pretty little cocksucker not here to save the ass he’s fucking, or do you fuck him?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t have a boyfriend, I’m engaged. You’re making a mistake.”
“You’re the one who made a mistake; flaunting your perversions and corrupting the kids that watch your movies, you disgusting piece of shit. Gonna teach you a lesson, aren’t we boys?
He was held as the first man he had run into, the one he assumed was the leader, punched him numerous times in the stomach. Whilst he was doubled over from the hits, two of the men changed positions, with the leader taking over the brutal grip on his hair while the man to his right stepped to the front and backhanded him hard across the face. He heard the unmistakeable sound of a zipper. It felt like all the air had been sucked away and he couldn’t breathe. They couldn’t possibly mean what he thought they did, it didn’t make sense.
“Now open your mouth like the good little cocksucker you are. You bite him and it’ll be the last thing you ever do, I’ll gut you like a pig and you’ll be wearing your intestines as a necklace,” came the almost soft spoken voice of the leader next to his ear.
As the guy in front of him started to take himself out of his jeans and underwear, Jared tried to take advantage of one less set of hands holding him and struggled with everything he had to fight them off. There was no way he was going to let this happen. His elbow connected solidly with flesh and he heard an oomph before the guy in front of him punched him in the face and it felt like his cheekbone had been smashed. One of the hands holding his arm let go and then he felt the point of a blade to his neck and he stopped, scared to death that he was about to have his throat cut. He could taste the coppery blood in his mouth from where his teeth had bit into his cheek and he spat it out.
“Try that again asshole and I will kill you. You think I was joking about gutting you?”
“Hey I’m not sticking my dick in his mouth if he’s bleeding. I don’t want to catch any fag-ass diseases. He’s probably got AIDS or something.”
“Put a rubber on it, that’s why we’ve got ‘em,” the other man who hadn't spoken until now and was holding his arm in a death-grip sneered.
When the man had rolled on a condom and rubbed his cock over Jared’s cheek he gave a whimper. He couldn’t believe this was happening; this had to be a nightmare. But the bruising pain he felt from the grip on his arm, the weight on his legs, the throbbing in his head where he’d been hit and the still brutal grip in his hair told him that this was a horrifying reality.
“Open up and suck, cocksucker.”
He pressed his lips in a tight line, shaking his head until he felt the tip of the blade against his skin once more as it was run back and forth over his pulsing artery. He let out a sob and said, “Please, don’t.”
The man put his hand to the top of Jared’s head switching grips on his hair with the man with the knife and using his other hand, gripped Jared’s jaw harshly forcing his mouth open. When he slid himself inside and ordered him once again to suck, Jared did what he was told with tears falling hard and fast.
He kept following the orders of the man whose dick was in his mouth and the guy with the knife moved it to his other hand holding it close to his neck but no longer touching the skin. He felt his zip being undone and he let out a hiccuping sob as the ebony hued hand tugged his jeans down just enough to expose him and began to stroke his flaccid member; the man spewing a constant stream of filth and derogatory names. He didn’t think things could get any worse until he felt himself begin to harden and he was filled with deep shame. Nothing about this was remotely enjoyable and he was scared out of his mind – why in the hell was he getting hard?
“You like that don’t you, you fag whore? You don’t even need your homo boyfriend or the fairy you fucked for that filth they call a movie, you’ll get hard when any cock's in your mouth. Gonna take turns and show you that this is all you're good for.”
He just wanted it to be over but the guy had said they were taking turns. He tried to shut down his mind and go far away in his head but it wasn’t working. If they thought he was drifting he’d get prodded again with the knife or the grip on his hair would tighten until he could feel strands being torn loose from his scalp and told to suck harder or use his tongue. The humiliation was unbearable. He at least thanked God for the small mercy of condoms because the thought of having them come in his mouth was making his stomach clench violently.
Finally, the guy came and pulled out. His jaw ached, his knees hurt and the shame burned and he couldn’t imagine much worse but then the man holding his arms traded places and shoved himself into his mouth so violently he gagged until he retched. The guy pulling his dick free as Jared vomited onto the ground.
“You disgusting fucker! You do that again and I’ll knock your teeth out.” He moved to snatch a bottle from the six-pack they’d been drinking from and grabbed Jared by the jaw pouring the contents into his mouth causing him to choke and splutter. “Wash your cocksucking mouth out before I put my dick back in you piece of shit. Do it!”
At least throwing up had made the other guy stop groping him but the knife was back touching him, this time pressed to his ribs.
“You’d better do as he says or maybe I’ll just stick this into your lung and you can die here choking on your own blood.”
After he spat the beer onto the ground, the guy shoved hard into his mouth again. He wasn’t even bothering to ask him to suck, he just held Jared’s hair and thrust in brutally, making him constantly choke and gag. Then he pulled out, ripped off the condom and came on Jared’s face, all over his cheek and chin but thankfully missing his mouth. He would have cried at the degradation if he wasn’t still gasping to get enough air.
He barely heard when the man who he had gone first hissed at the other, “What the fuck are you doing? You want to leave evidence?” He threw a handkerchief at him. “Wipe it off and we’ll get rid of it along with the rubbers.”
Jared felt his face wiped harshly and then he was smashed face first into the ground again, a boot coming down hard on his back.
“He ain’t gonna tell anyone and you know it,” said the guy Jared was now sure was the leader, “Fudgepacker’s enjoying it too much, look how hard he got. He was loving every minute of it, weren't you boy?”
Jared knew there was one more to go – the leader. He was still being held tightly and he knew he couldn’t get away, he just hoped that once this guy finished they’d leave him alone and not kill him. But instead of being dragged back up onto his knees like he expected, he heard that almost melodious voice say, “You make sure to hold him good now. Time to really teach him a lesson.” He was hauled up and thrown face first down onto a dumpster and his arms were held, shoulders being pressed into the lid as he felt his own still unzipped jeans being ripped down.
He knew now what was coming and he no longer cared if they cut his throat or stabbed him. He’d rather die. With renewed strength from a surge of adrenaline he started to buck and thrash and scream.
“No!, Somebody help me! Please! Help me!”
“I said hold him!” the man shouted when Jared actually started to gain ground and rise up. The men were strong and fought him back to the metal that was biting into his skin and then a punch hit him hard in the ribs forcing all of the air from his body.
The two men on either side held his arms fast and used their weight to pin his legs open as far as his loose fitting, pulled down jeans and underwear would allow. He felt the weight of the body of the man who had pressed between his open legs and he screamed again. Why wasn’t somebody coming? He started pleading though great heaving sobs, “Please–”
“Hear that boys, he’s begging for it.”
“No! Please, God, don’t do this!” He screamed.
“You want God to help you? You dare use God’s name? He hates queers like you as much as we do. Think of us as doing God’s work.” He sneered as he greased up his own sheathed length.
And then all of Jared’s focus was drilled down to the explosion of white hot pain that seared up the entire length of his spine as the man pushed his way into his body. He had never felt pain so intense and he let out a raw, guttural scream. The man kept going, forcing his way in further with each thrust, a constant litany of curses and threats about how maybe they should teach the same lesson to the other movie queer or the fag boyfriend spilling from his mouth. The pain never wavered but the movement became easier as the way was slicked with Jared’s own blood. The movement was hard and fast, punching the breath from his lungs with each brutal thrust.
After the man had come and thrown the blood streaked condom into a plastic bag with the others, he stepped over to the sobbing, bleeding man who had fallen to the ground flat on his back and kicked him in the ribs again; hard.
“You ready to go boys?”
Through the immense pain, Jared felt relief wash over his broken body. It was finally over and they were going to leave him there. He was still alive.
Then the dark colored hand was back, pulling him up slightly by the collar of his jacket.
“You and your kind are scum, filth. Flaunting your sins to the world; corrupting children. You are nothing; worthless.” He picked up a beer bottle and drained it, still panting from the exertion of forcing himself on his victim. He then laid his body across Jared’s pinning him to the ground, “Let’s see if your boyfriend will want to fuck that hole now.” And he slammed the bottle inside of Jared who roared out a scream at the fresh wave of pain. His vision swimming as they all began to walk away only stopping to spit on him as he lay bleeding on the ground. Then all went blessedly black.
He awoke a short time later, with every nerve in his body shrieking in unspeakable pain as he gingerly removed the bottle and rolled to the side, throwing up once more.
Rating: NC17
Genre: RPS AU
Characters/ Pairings: Jared/Jensen
Word Count: Approx 2,600
Disclaimer: This story in no way represents the actors' real lives. I think of them as actors cast in the roles of fictional characters and the story is strictly AU. Don't own anything but my own words.
Warnings: This chapter contains graphic non-con/sexual assault by multiple assailants. Also contains homophobic language. Please heed the warnings if these may be triggers for you.
Author’s Notes: I debated for weeks whether or not to include this chapter because of the content because I know from messages I’ve received that I have some readers who are survivors of sexual assault. I have no problem with reading or writing non-con but I wasn’t sure if it would be the right addition to this particular story. I’ve decided to add it as it’s allowing us to see what happened through Jared’s eyes. Some of you may not want to read it because it is very graphic and disturbing. If it’s a trigger for you then it would be a good idea to bypass everything under the cut which is the assault in flashback. All chapter titles are the names of songs. Chapter title is Asphyxiate by Earth Crisis.
Chapter Eleven - Asphyxiate
He heard the raised voices coming from the living room but not what they were saying. He had no idea what Nicki and Jensen were fighting about but from her reaction to him being there earlier he hoped it wasn’t about him. Although , for the life of him, he couldn’t think of a reason they would be fighting about him.He was still shaky from almost having to return home and was wondering why Nicki had been so rude to him earlier. They had always gotten along fine even though she used to grate on his nerves the way she always twisted Jensen around her little finger to get her own way but he’d never let that show out of respect for his best friend. Yeah, things had gotten tense when Nicki cheated on Jensen because naturally he had taken Jensen’s side but he’d kept out of the arguments and held his tongue with her and focused on supporting his friend through an incredibly painful divorce. The only time he had Nicki had ever had terse words was when she was going for a huge divorce settlement and got really nasty with Jensen. After that, things had always been very civil whenever they saw each other which, admittedly, wasn’t very often.
When he heard the footsteps thundering down the wooden floor of the hallway followed by Nicki shouting, his heart almost stopped.
“Is the letter true, Jared? Were you having a homo affair with my husband while we were married? Were you taking it up the ass in our bed?”
The affair question was ridiculous but it was the second sentence which had the blood draining from his face. As he opened the door to the bedroom his body was remembering the agonizing pain of being violated. His heart was hammering so hard in his chest he thought he might either throw up or pass out. Then Nicki got right up in his face and screamed, “Is it?” and the world went black.
The next sensation he was semi-aware of was of hands touching and pulling at him and he was pitched right back to that night.
Two sets of hands had a painful grip on his biceps and there was the heavy weight of someone pinning his legs from the knees down. He was still trying to focus as he came swimming back from his brief unconsciousness trying to figure out where he was and what was happening. He yelled as he was tugged up to his knees by a vicious grip in his hair. He could see that he had been dragged into an alley at the far end of the parking lot where there were no lights.
“You can have the money, my wallet’s in my pocket and my watch is a Tag Heuer. Take them both just please, don’t hurt me,” he begged.
“Who said anything about money, you filthy fag?”
He couldn’t believe what was happening. He was about to be beaten up because of a character he played in a movie? This was insane.
“Look guys, I’m not gay, that was just someone I played in a movie!”
The grip in his hair got impossibly tighter and his eyes were watering from the intense sting of having it pulled so hard.
“Oh look boys, the little fairy is crying. Where’s your fag boyfriend now huh? Pretty little cocksucker not here to save the ass he’s fucking, or do you fuck him?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t have a boyfriend, I’m engaged. You’re making a mistake.”
“You’re the one who made a mistake; flaunting your perversions and corrupting the kids that watch your movies, you disgusting piece of shit. Gonna teach you a lesson, aren’t we boys?
He was held as the first man he had run into, the one he assumed was the leader, punched him numerous times in the stomach. Whilst he was doubled over from the hits, two of the men changed positions, with the leader taking over the brutal grip on his hair while the man to his right stepped to the front and backhanded him hard across the face. He heard the unmistakeable sound of a zipper. It felt like all the air had been sucked away and he couldn’t breathe. They couldn’t possibly mean what he thought they did, it didn’t make sense.
“Now open your mouth like the good little cocksucker you are. You bite him and it’ll be the last thing you ever do, I’ll gut you like a pig and you’ll be wearing your intestines as a necklace,” came the almost soft spoken voice of the leader next to his ear.
As the guy in front of him started to take himself out of his jeans and underwear, Jared tried to take advantage of one less set of hands holding him and struggled with everything he had to fight them off. There was no way he was going to let this happen. His elbow connected solidly with flesh and he heard an oomph before the guy in front of him punched him in the face and it felt like his cheekbone had been smashed. One of the hands holding his arm let go and then he felt the point of a blade to his neck and he stopped, scared to death that he was about to have his throat cut. He could taste the coppery blood in his mouth from where his teeth had bit into his cheek and he spat it out.
“Try that again asshole and I will kill you. You think I was joking about gutting you?”
“Hey I’m not sticking my dick in his mouth if he’s bleeding. I don’t want to catch any fag-ass diseases. He’s probably got AIDS or something.”
“Put a rubber on it, that’s why we’ve got ‘em,” the other man who hadn't spoken until now and was holding his arm in a death-grip sneered.
When the man had rolled on a condom and rubbed his cock over Jared’s cheek he gave a whimper. He couldn’t believe this was happening; this had to be a nightmare. But the bruising pain he felt from the grip on his arm, the weight on his legs, the throbbing in his head where he’d been hit and the still brutal grip in his hair told him that this was a horrifying reality.
“Open up and suck, cocksucker.”
He pressed his lips in a tight line, shaking his head until he felt the tip of the blade against his skin once more as it was run back and forth over his pulsing artery. He let out a sob and said, “Please, don’t.”
The man put his hand to the top of Jared’s head switching grips on his hair with the man with the knife and using his other hand, gripped Jared’s jaw harshly forcing his mouth open. When he slid himself inside and ordered him once again to suck, Jared did what he was told with tears falling hard and fast.
He kept following the orders of the man whose dick was in his mouth and the guy with the knife moved it to his other hand holding it close to his neck but no longer touching the skin. He felt his zip being undone and he let out a hiccuping sob as the ebony hued hand tugged his jeans down just enough to expose him and began to stroke his flaccid member; the man spewing a constant stream of filth and derogatory names. He didn’t think things could get any worse until he felt himself begin to harden and he was filled with deep shame. Nothing about this was remotely enjoyable and he was scared out of his mind – why in the hell was he getting hard?
“You like that don’t you, you fag whore? You don’t even need your homo boyfriend or the fairy you fucked for that filth they call a movie, you’ll get hard when any cock's in your mouth. Gonna take turns and show you that this is all you're good for.”
He just wanted it to be over but the guy had said they were taking turns. He tried to shut down his mind and go far away in his head but it wasn’t working. If they thought he was drifting he’d get prodded again with the knife or the grip on his hair would tighten until he could feel strands being torn loose from his scalp and told to suck harder or use his tongue. The humiliation was unbearable. He at least thanked God for the small mercy of condoms because the thought of having them come in his mouth was making his stomach clench violently.
Finally, the guy came and pulled out. His jaw ached, his knees hurt and the shame burned and he couldn’t imagine much worse but then the man holding his arms traded places and shoved himself into his mouth so violently he gagged until he retched. The guy pulling his dick free as Jared vomited onto the ground.
“You disgusting fucker! You do that again and I’ll knock your teeth out.” He moved to snatch a bottle from the six-pack they’d been drinking from and grabbed Jared by the jaw pouring the contents into his mouth causing him to choke and splutter. “Wash your cocksucking mouth out before I put my dick back in you piece of shit. Do it!”
At least throwing up had made the other guy stop groping him but the knife was back touching him, this time pressed to his ribs.
“You’d better do as he says or maybe I’ll just stick this into your lung and you can die here choking on your own blood.”
After he spat the beer onto the ground, the guy shoved hard into his mouth again. He wasn’t even bothering to ask him to suck, he just held Jared’s hair and thrust in brutally, making him constantly choke and gag. Then he pulled out, ripped off the condom and came on Jared’s face, all over his cheek and chin but thankfully missing his mouth. He would have cried at the degradation if he wasn’t still gasping to get enough air.
He barely heard when the man who he had gone first hissed at the other, “What the fuck are you doing? You want to leave evidence?” He threw a handkerchief at him. “Wipe it off and we’ll get rid of it along with the rubbers.”
Jared felt his face wiped harshly and then he was smashed face first into the ground again, a boot coming down hard on his back.
“He ain’t gonna tell anyone and you know it,” said the guy Jared was now sure was the leader, “Fudgepacker’s enjoying it too much, look how hard he got. He was loving every minute of it, weren't you boy?”
Jared knew there was one more to go – the leader. He was still being held tightly and he knew he couldn’t get away, he just hoped that once this guy finished they’d leave him alone and not kill him. But instead of being dragged back up onto his knees like he expected, he heard that almost melodious voice say, “You make sure to hold him good now. Time to really teach him a lesson.” He was hauled up and thrown face first down onto a dumpster and his arms were held, shoulders being pressed into the lid as he felt his own still unzipped jeans being ripped down.
He knew now what was coming and he no longer cared if they cut his throat or stabbed him. He’d rather die. With renewed strength from a surge of adrenaline he started to buck and thrash and scream.
“No!, Somebody help me! Please! Help me!”
“I said hold him!” the man shouted when Jared actually started to gain ground and rise up. The men were strong and fought him back to the metal that was biting into his skin and then a punch hit him hard in the ribs forcing all of the air from his body.
The two men on either side held his arms fast and used their weight to pin his legs open as far as his loose fitting, pulled down jeans and underwear would allow. He felt the weight of the body of the man who had pressed between his open legs and he screamed again. Why wasn’t somebody coming? He started pleading though great heaving sobs, “Please–”
“Hear that boys, he’s begging for it.”
“No! Please, God, don’t do this!” He screamed.
“You want God to help you? You dare use God’s name? He hates queers like you as much as we do. Think of us as doing God’s work.” He sneered as he greased up his own sheathed length.
And then all of Jared’s focus was drilled down to the explosion of white hot pain that seared up the entire length of his spine as the man pushed his way into his body. He had never felt pain so intense and he let out a raw, guttural scream. The man kept going, forcing his way in further with each thrust, a constant litany of curses and threats about how maybe they should teach the same lesson to the other movie queer or the fag boyfriend spilling from his mouth. The pain never wavered but the movement became easier as the way was slicked with Jared’s own blood. The movement was hard and fast, punching the breath from his lungs with each brutal thrust.
After the man had come and thrown the blood streaked condom into a plastic bag with the others, he stepped over to the sobbing, bleeding man who had fallen to the ground flat on his back and kicked him in the ribs again; hard.
“You ready to go boys?”
Through the immense pain, Jared felt relief wash over his broken body. It was finally over and they were going to leave him there. He was still alive.
Then the dark colored hand was back, pulling him up slightly by the collar of his jacket.
“You and your kind are scum, filth. Flaunting your sins to the world; corrupting children. You are nothing; worthless.” He picked up a beer bottle and drained it, still panting from the exertion of forcing himself on his victim. He then laid his body across Jared’s pinning him to the ground, “Let’s see if your boyfriend will want to fuck that hole now.” And he slammed the bottle inside of Jared who roared out a scream at the fresh wave of pain. His vision swimming as they all began to walk away only stopping to spit on him as he lay bleeding on the ground. Then all went blessedly black.
He awoke a short time later, with every nerve in his body shrieking in unspeakable pain as he gingerly removed the bottle and rolled to the side, throwing up once more.
He felt a pinch in his arm and a warm sensation flooded his body, clouding his senses. He was suddenly aware of different voices. Jensen and Traci. At first he couldn’t make out what the voices were saying over the sound of blood thundering in his ears and then he couldn’t really make them out because the world was beginning to recede and his body was becoming boneless but the voices were soothing. He felt himself being lifted and then a sense of softness beneath him and within a few more seconds he felt nothing at all as the drug took complete effect and he slipped into unconsciousness once more.
Chapter 12
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2013-10-29 03:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-10-29 04:08 pm (UTC)