Learning to Breathe 5/?
Sep. 3rd, 2013 07:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
reggie11Chapter Five: Couldn't Breathe
Rating: NC17
Genre: RPS AU
Characters/ Pairings: Jared/Jensen, Lauren Cohan
Word Count: 3090
Warnings: This fic contains non-con/sexual assault.
Disclaimer: This story in no way represents the actors' real lives. I think of them as actors cast in the roles of fictional characters and the story is strictly AU.
Author’s Notes: Sorry I took so long to update but this chapter is a little longer so I hope that makes up for it. The next chapter won't be up for at least a week because I'm also working on the second part of Forced and doing some beta work for the![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
sastiel_bigbang. Plus, I keep getting sidetracked with the latest comment meme on ohsam because there are so many great prompts and I'm a glutton for punishment. Chapter titles are all the names of songs. Chapter title from Couldn't Breathe by Lennon
Rating: NC17
Genre: RPS AU
Characters/ Pairings: Jared/Jensen, Lauren Cohan
Word Count: 3090
Warnings: This fic contains non-con/sexual assault.
Disclaimer: This story in no way represents the actors' real lives. I think of them as actors cast in the roles of fictional characters and the story is strictly AU.
Author’s Notes: Sorry I took so long to update but this chapter is a little longer so I hope that makes up for it. The next chapter won't be up for at least a week because I'm also working on the second part of Forced and doing some beta work for the
sastiel_bigbang. Plus, I keep getting sidetracked with the latest comment meme on ohsam because there are so many great prompts and I'm a glutton for punishment. Chapter titles are all the names of songs. Chapter title from Couldn't Breathe by Lennon
Chapter Five - Couldn't Breathe
Twelve days later, Jared returned to work and nobody even questioned why Jensen accompanied him on set, he’d hung out with him on projects before and everyone knew they were best friends. As Rob had been a good friend of Jared’s for years he had also become a good friend of Jensen’s and the director had no problem with his presence. Jared coped pretty well with not only the work but everyone coming up to see how he was feeling after his illness and fall. Thankfully everyone just assumed the weight loss and the dark smudges under his eyes were just the after effects of the stomach flu. When they took a break from shooting after a few hours Jared came back to his trailer looking drained - more from keeping up appearances than from the work itself because it wasn’t very physical. It was like he was ‘on’ constantly and acting all the time is just hard. It was like he let out a breath he’d been constantly holding when he gingerly lowered himself onto the sofa.
“How’re you holding up? Still hurting huh?”
“Yeah, a bit. It’s good to be back and around everyone ya know but it’s tiring.”
“Can I do anything?”
“Yeah, you can give me a big ol’ hug and get me that stupid butt pillow!” he grinned and a bit of the real Jared grin shone through, something Jensen hadn’t gotten a glimpse of since the attack.
“You betcha!” Jensen pulled him back up into a hug and got wrapped up in massively long arms and almost had the air squeezed right out of him. “Dude, can’t breathe” he laughed.
When Jared finally let go, Jensen put the donut cushion on the sofa got them both some juice and they sat down and put their feet up.
Jared’s phone beeped with a text message and when Jensen turned his head to ask him if he wanted to rest or play video games he saw all of the color drain from the younger man’s face. “Something wrong?”
“Fuck. Lauren is flying down this weekend.”
“And that’s a bad thing?”
“I...I don’t think I’m ready to see her. It’s been a month since we’ve seen each other and we talk most days but seeing her in person...I’m not ready for that.”
“Jared, man I know this is really hard but you’re going to marry the girl. You love her and she loves you and don’t you think you should tell her now? Are you worried what she’s gonna think because you know that’s just wrong? She loves you, you know that.”
“I...I just....I can’t,” his voice cracked. Jensen puts his arm around his shoulder and pulled him to his chest for a hug. He could hear Jared trying to steady his breathing and pull himself together because he’s at work and it broke his heart to see his friend like this.
“Look at me Jared,” he used his hand to turn the other man’s face toward him, “c’mon, look at me. She can help you through this. She is not going to love you any less because of this. You haven’t done anything wrong, this was done to you do you understand me? You told me right? I’m here aren’t I? And I don’t think anything bad about you I promise. In fact I think you’re pretty damn amazing holding up the way you are. In fact, I’m so fucking honored that you trusted me with all of this, it kinda blows my mind.”
Jared sniffed and pulled his best friend closer. “There isn’t a single person in the world other than my mom that I trust more than you, Jensen. Have I even thanked you for everything you’ve been doing? You’ve practically stopped your whole life for me and I know it’s more than anyone should ever expect and I’m so fucking grateful. I don’t know what I would have done, or would do, if you hadn’t been with me through this.”
“I am with you okay. I’ll do whatever I can for however long it takes, you know you’re my best friend and I love you but Lauren is your best friend too. Hell, you asked the girl to marry you a couple a months ago, you gotta let her in, it’s not fair to either of you if you keep this from her yeah? It’s your decision but do you really think you’re going to be able to hide what’s going on with you?”
He leaned forward, elbows on knees and put his face in his hands. “No, I’m not because I don’t think I’m even going to be able to touch her you know and even if I could I’d have to try and explain why I suddenly need to use condoms again, until I can have the hep C test. That’s why I’ve been putting off seeing her. I just can’t even think about sex. I feel so fucking broken and dirty...like I’ll never be clean. It makes my skin crawl.”
“You are not dirty. You may be a bit broken now but give yourself time to put the pieces back together. I’ll help however I can and Lauren will too.”
The rest of the week went pretty quickly although he could see it really took its toll on Jared. He had been amazing at hiding his turmoil from everyone on set and although he wasn’t quite his usual boisterous self, nobody seemed to think anything more than him still not feeling a hundred per cent. When they got back from a short work day on Saturday, Jensen grabbed his things, gave his friend a bear hug and words of encouragement and drove home while Jared drove to the airport to pick up his girl. He thought it was going to be just that bit easier for Jared once he had Lauren to support him as well.
“How’re you holding up? Still hurting huh?”
“Yeah, a bit. It’s good to be back and around everyone ya know but it’s tiring.”
“Can I do anything?”
“Yeah, you can give me a big ol’ hug and get me that stupid butt pillow!” he grinned and a bit of the real Jared grin shone through, something Jensen hadn’t gotten a glimpse of since the attack.
“You betcha!” Jensen pulled him back up into a hug and got wrapped up in massively long arms and almost had the air squeezed right out of him. “Dude, can’t breathe” he laughed.
When Jared finally let go, Jensen put the donut cushion on the sofa got them both some juice and they sat down and put their feet up.
Jared’s phone beeped with a text message and when Jensen turned his head to ask him if he wanted to rest or play video games he saw all of the color drain from the younger man’s face. “Something wrong?”
“Fuck. Lauren is flying down this weekend.”
“And that’s a bad thing?”
“I...I don’t think I’m ready to see her. It’s been a month since we’ve seen each other and we talk most days but seeing her in person...I’m not ready for that.”
“Jared, man I know this is really hard but you’re going to marry the girl. You love her and she loves you and don’t you think you should tell her now? Are you worried what she’s gonna think because you know that’s just wrong? She loves you, you know that.”
“I...I just....I can’t,” his voice cracked. Jensen puts his arm around his shoulder and pulled him to his chest for a hug. He could hear Jared trying to steady his breathing and pull himself together because he’s at work and it broke his heart to see his friend like this.
“Look at me Jared,” he used his hand to turn the other man’s face toward him, “c’mon, look at me. She can help you through this. She is not going to love you any less because of this. You haven’t done anything wrong, this was done to you do you understand me? You told me right? I’m here aren’t I? And I don’t think anything bad about you I promise. In fact I think you’re pretty damn amazing holding up the way you are. In fact, I’m so fucking honored that you trusted me with all of this, it kinda blows my mind.”
Jared sniffed and pulled his best friend closer. “There isn’t a single person in the world other than my mom that I trust more than you, Jensen. Have I even thanked you for everything you’ve been doing? You’ve practically stopped your whole life for me and I know it’s more than anyone should ever expect and I’m so fucking grateful. I don’t know what I would have done, or would do, if you hadn’t been with me through this.”
“I am with you okay. I’ll do whatever I can for however long it takes, you know you’re my best friend and I love you but Lauren is your best friend too. Hell, you asked the girl to marry you a couple a months ago, you gotta let her in, it’s not fair to either of you if you keep this from her yeah? It’s your decision but do you really think you’re going to be able to hide what’s going on with you?”
He leaned forward, elbows on knees and put his face in his hands. “No, I’m not because I don’t think I’m even going to be able to touch her you know and even if I could I’d have to try and explain why I suddenly need to use condoms again, until I can have the hep C test. That’s why I’ve been putting off seeing her. I just can’t even think about sex. I feel so fucking broken and dirty...like I’ll never be clean. It makes my skin crawl.”
“You are not dirty. You may be a bit broken now but give yourself time to put the pieces back together. I’ll help however I can and Lauren will too.”
The rest of the week went pretty quickly although he could see it really took its toll on Jared. He had been amazing at hiding his turmoil from everyone on set and although he wasn’t quite his usual boisterous self, nobody seemed to think anything more than him still not feeling a hundred per cent. When they got back from a short work day on Saturday, Jensen grabbed his things, gave his friend a bear hug and words of encouragement and drove home while Jared drove to the airport to pick up his girl. He thought it was going to be just that bit easier for Jared once he had Lauren to support him as well.
ooOoo
Sunday night Jensen was just grabbing another beer from the fridge when his phone rang. When he saw Jared’s name on the caller ID he thought it was odd but was completely unprepared for the cracked voice when on the other end when he answered. “Can you come over?”
“Um, yeah sure, of course. Is everything okay?”
“No.”
As he rounded the corner in Jared’s street he passed a cab going in the opposite direction.
Was that Lauren in the back? She was supposed to be here for two more days. What the hell?
The front door was open and Jared was sitting on the floor in the hallway with his head leaning against the wall and his eyes were closed. “Jared?” He closed the door and when his friend didn’t move or open his eyes he lowered himself to the floor next to him. “What’s going on, man? Was that Lauren leaving?”
“Yeah”, he scrubbed his hand over his face and then looked up with red rimmed eyes, “we broke up.”
“You what?!”
“Um, yeah sure, of course. Is everything okay?”
“No.”
As he rounded the corner in Jared’s street he passed a cab going in the opposite direction.
Was that Lauren in the back? She was supposed to be here for two more days. What the hell?
The front door was open and Jared was sitting on the floor in the hallway with his head leaning against the wall and his eyes were closed. “Jared?” He closed the door and when his friend didn’t move or open his eyes he lowered himself to the floor next to him. “What’s going on, man? Was that Lauren leaving?”
“Yeah”, he scrubbed his hand over his face and then looked up with red rimmed eyes, “we broke up.”
“You what?!”
ooOoo
Jared and Lauren
All the way to the airport Jared’s dread at facing his fiancée was building. He wasn’t feeling even remotely close to being ready to tell her, he was barely facing the reality of it all himself so how could he be expected to face telling other people? It barely even registered with him that he was considering Lauren as ‘other people’.
He’d been having anxiety attacks pretty regularly since his assault and it took both medication and Jensen to bring him out of them. As he stood at the baggage terminal waiting for Lauren he could feel another attack steadily building. At least his bodyguard had not insisted on driving him but had followed in another car and was watching him from a discreet distance. He didn’t want to be faced with having to explain to his girlfriend why he had suddenly acquired a bodyguard when he’d never felt famous enough to find one necessary before.
His anxiety started to peak as he saw the familiar long hair and bright smile as she rushed forward to envelop him in a hug. It took absolutely everything he had in him not to push her away when he felt his skin crawling at being touched and she sensed his reticence and pulled back to look up at him.
“Honey, you look awful! This whole thing has taken its toll on you hasn’t it?”
She was of course referring to his ‘flu and fall’ but he couldn’t help flinching thinking that the fact he’d been raped must have been showing on him like a neon sign.
“I’m really tired and I’m still pretty banged up.”
“Well then let’s get you home so I can look after you.” She smiled up at him and moved to kiss him but he pulled away and reached to grab the familiar suitcase from the conveyer. A small frown appeared on her face but he was already steering her toward the door before she had time to say anything about it and tried to plaster a smile on his face when he noticed they were being photographed by one of the many paparazzi that frequented the terminals at LAX and a couple of members of the public who were snapping pictures on their cell phones. He really wanted to get out before someone approached them both for autographs.
The drive back to his house had been utter torture. Lauren chatted away animatedly about some of the antics of her co-stars oblivious to the turmoil of her fiancé as his anxiety was ratcheted up to an impossible to manage level. She thought his monosyllabic answers were just because he was exhausted. By the time they’d reached the house Jared had gone into a fully-fledged anxiety attack which had him pacing like a caged tiger and crying copiously by the time they entered the house.
Jared had never suffered from anxiety before the assault and Lauren had never seen him so distressed and it freaked her out badly.
“Baby, what is it, what’s wrong?” When she tried to pull him into a hug it just made him worse and her own tears spilled over. “Jared, you’re scaring me. What’s happening? What can I do?”
He stalked off to the bedroom with her following in his wake and reached for the bottle of Xanax on the nightstand knocking a picture of them both to the floor, shattering the glass – and wasn’t that just the perfect metaphor for how he felt about their relationship. He fumbled with the bottle because he couldn’t open it with his shaking hands and the stupid childproof cap. She snatched it out of his hands and took the lid off and asked him how many he needed then shook two tablets into his hand. He dry swallowed then and squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to get air into his lungs. She looked at the label and looked back at Jared. She wanted so badly to put her arms around him but after her last attempt knew it would just make things worse.
“Baby, please, just tell me what’s going on. Are you sick?”
When he didn’t answer and just stood there crying uncontrollably her voice reached a more frantic level, “Are you dying?”
He managed to shake his head so she then asked, “Is your mom dying?” She knew how impossibly close Jared was with his sole remaining family member after losing his father and brother in a car crash when he was twelve. He just sobbed out a strangled, “No”.
It took around thirty minutes for the crying to abate and Lauren had worked herself into such a state by then she was almost hysterical. He had no choice now. As much as he wasn’t ready to tell her about what had happened, and if he’d had a choice he would have never told her, he couldn’t bear to see her so scared and worried.
He sat her down and without looking at her directly, let the story of what happened spill out. She didn’t say a single word while he recounted the attack, the only sounds she made were gasps and sobs. She tried again to hold and soothe him but he just hadn’t been able to let her touch him. It felt like he could infect her with this loathsome unclean thing by letting her get too close and she was just too good and pure and sweet. She didn’t understand. She told him over and over that she loved him and wanted to help but she couldn’t understand him flinching away from her of all people. He’d known it had hurt her but he couldn’t stop it anyway.
She sat him on the sofa in the living room and plied him with endless cups of tea and they talked non-stop until Jared couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore because of the medication. When she tried to get him to go to the bedroom to sleep he faked out being too far gone and she’d put a blanket over him on the sofa and gone to bed with worry etching her pretty features. He couldn’t face getting into the same bed with her. Apart from not being able to have her touch him he couldn’t bear the thought that she would see the filth that felt like it was embedded into his skin.
They talked more in the morning with Jared trying to explain to her about feeling dirty and ashamed and she of course, told him that he wasn’t and he shouldn’t be and then she’d asked how on earth he’d gotten through the last couple of weeks on his own and asked him why he hadn’t told her so she could have been there for him. Things had been going reasonably well until he told her he hadn’t been alone and that Jensen had been wonderful and supportive and been with him since the night it happened and he had immediately sensed the change in her demeanor.
She had been beyond hurt that he had turned to his best friend instead of the woman he was going to marry. She didn’t get angry, she was far too sweet for that and he could see how much he had hurt her but he just couldn’t deal with her feelings on top of his own – it was just too overwhelming. He thought it probably made him one of the most selfish assholes in the world but he also knew that he just didn’t have it in him to extend himself that far without shattering into a million pieces.
He asked if she thought she’d ever be able to forgive him for shutting her out then, now and probably be for some time to come and told her he hated hurting her but he also told her he had no idea how long it would take before he would ever be alright enough to make love to her or even give her the attention she deserved when it took everything in him just to get through each day and manage to hold on at work too. She said there was nothing to forgive and that she understood he needed to focus on himself and to heal but said that he had hurt her, a lot, by keeping her in the dark and instead turning to Jensen.
She asked him why and he couldn’t explain it because he didn’t really understand it himself. She told him she would support him with whatever he needed, be there anytime he needed her but she didn’t think they could go on as a couple because he obviously hadn’t trusted her enough to tell her or loved her enough to want her to be the one to help him. When he protested she gently asked him to look into his heart and ask himself if she was wrong. She wasn’t angry, she was just really sad and said that maybe them being together was just not meant to be and sometimes it took something truly life shattering to realize it. She told him that even though her heart was broken she would eventually get over it and the most important thing was for Jared to focus on healing and that she would never abandon him, all he ever had to do was pick up the phone and she would be there for him and that he would always be one of the most important people in her life.
Strangely, after she’d ended things he was able to hold her and be held so they cried for a while in each others' arms. Things remained pretty quiet for the rest of the day with neither really knowing what to say to the other. They watched the rain fall through the windows like the weather was matching how they both felt.
Early in the evening she turned to him and said, “I could still stay if you want me to but I’m not what you need right now am I? You’re hurting and me being here is making things harder for you and I don’t want to do that to you, I only want what's best for you. I should go home and you should call Jensen.”
He didn’t look up and just said quietly, “I’m sorry.”
“I know, baby, I know. It’s not your fault.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too, I’ll always love you, no matter what.”
And he did love her but something fundamental had changed in him the night those three men had shattered him body and soul. He hated himself for feeling relieved at their breakup. He should have felt heartbroken but instead he felt numb like a part of him had died that night, the part that was capable of loving and being loved.
She packed up her bag while he called Jensen from the bedroom and then she called a cab to take her to the airport. When it arrived he walked her to the door.
“Jared, I meant what I said, if you need me for anything at any time you don’t hesitate to call me. I’ll call and check in with you okay?” He nodded. “I love you so much and I just want you to get better.”
“I love you too. I’m so sorry.”
She pulled him to her gently, hugged him and murmured, “Shh, you just do whatever you need to. I hope Jensen can give you what you need.”
And then she walked away and got into her cab and they both let their tears fall again.
Chapter 6
He’d been having anxiety attacks pretty regularly since his assault and it took both medication and Jensen to bring him out of them. As he stood at the baggage terminal waiting for Lauren he could feel another attack steadily building. At least his bodyguard had not insisted on driving him but had followed in another car and was watching him from a discreet distance. He didn’t want to be faced with having to explain to his girlfriend why he had suddenly acquired a bodyguard when he’d never felt famous enough to find one necessary before.
His anxiety started to peak as he saw the familiar long hair and bright smile as she rushed forward to envelop him in a hug. It took absolutely everything he had in him not to push her away when he felt his skin crawling at being touched and she sensed his reticence and pulled back to look up at him.
“Honey, you look awful! This whole thing has taken its toll on you hasn’t it?”
She was of course referring to his ‘flu and fall’ but he couldn’t help flinching thinking that the fact he’d been raped must have been showing on him like a neon sign.
“I’m really tired and I’m still pretty banged up.”
“Well then let’s get you home so I can look after you.” She smiled up at him and moved to kiss him but he pulled away and reached to grab the familiar suitcase from the conveyer. A small frown appeared on her face but he was already steering her toward the door before she had time to say anything about it and tried to plaster a smile on his face when he noticed they were being photographed by one of the many paparazzi that frequented the terminals at LAX and a couple of members of the public who were snapping pictures on their cell phones. He really wanted to get out before someone approached them both for autographs.
The drive back to his house had been utter torture. Lauren chatted away animatedly about some of the antics of her co-stars oblivious to the turmoil of her fiancé as his anxiety was ratcheted up to an impossible to manage level. She thought his monosyllabic answers were just because he was exhausted. By the time they’d reached the house Jared had gone into a fully-fledged anxiety attack which had him pacing like a caged tiger and crying copiously by the time they entered the house.
Jared had never suffered from anxiety before the assault and Lauren had never seen him so distressed and it freaked her out badly.
“Baby, what is it, what’s wrong?” When she tried to pull him into a hug it just made him worse and her own tears spilled over. “Jared, you’re scaring me. What’s happening? What can I do?”
He stalked off to the bedroom with her following in his wake and reached for the bottle of Xanax on the nightstand knocking a picture of them both to the floor, shattering the glass – and wasn’t that just the perfect metaphor for how he felt about their relationship. He fumbled with the bottle because he couldn’t open it with his shaking hands and the stupid childproof cap. She snatched it out of his hands and took the lid off and asked him how many he needed then shook two tablets into his hand. He dry swallowed then and squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to get air into his lungs. She looked at the label and looked back at Jared. She wanted so badly to put her arms around him but after her last attempt knew it would just make things worse.
“Baby, please, just tell me what’s going on. Are you sick?”
When he didn’t answer and just stood there crying uncontrollably her voice reached a more frantic level, “Are you dying?”
He managed to shake his head so she then asked, “Is your mom dying?” She knew how impossibly close Jared was with his sole remaining family member after losing his father and brother in a car crash when he was twelve. He just sobbed out a strangled, “No”.
It took around thirty minutes for the crying to abate and Lauren had worked herself into such a state by then she was almost hysterical. He had no choice now. As much as he wasn’t ready to tell her about what had happened, and if he’d had a choice he would have never told her, he couldn’t bear to see her so scared and worried.
He sat her down and without looking at her directly, let the story of what happened spill out. She didn’t say a single word while he recounted the attack, the only sounds she made were gasps and sobs. She tried again to hold and soothe him but he just hadn’t been able to let her touch him. It felt like he could infect her with this loathsome unclean thing by letting her get too close and she was just too good and pure and sweet. She didn’t understand. She told him over and over that she loved him and wanted to help but she couldn’t understand him flinching away from her of all people. He’d known it had hurt her but he couldn’t stop it anyway.
She sat him on the sofa in the living room and plied him with endless cups of tea and they talked non-stop until Jared couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore because of the medication. When she tried to get him to go to the bedroom to sleep he faked out being too far gone and she’d put a blanket over him on the sofa and gone to bed with worry etching her pretty features. He couldn’t face getting into the same bed with her. Apart from not being able to have her touch him he couldn’t bear the thought that she would see the filth that felt like it was embedded into his skin.
They talked more in the morning with Jared trying to explain to her about feeling dirty and ashamed and she of course, told him that he wasn’t and he shouldn’t be and then she’d asked how on earth he’d gotten through the last couple of weeks on his own and asked him why he hadn’t told her so she could have been there for him. Things had been going reasonably well until he told her he hadn’t been alone and that Jensen had been wonderful and supportive and been with him since the night it happened and he had immediately sensed the change in her demeanor.
She had been beyond hurt that he had turned to his best friend instead of the woman he was going to marry. She didn’t get angry, she was far too sweet for that and he could see how much he had hurt her but he just couldn’t deal with her feelings on top of his own – it was just too overwhelming. He thought it probably made him one of the most selfish assholes in the world but he also knew that he just didn’t have it in him to extend himself that far without shattering into a million pieces.
He asked if she thought she’d ever be able to forgive him for shutting her out then, now and probably be for some time to come and told her he hated hurting her but he also told her he had no idea how long it would take before he would ever be alright enough to make love to her or even give her the attention she deserved when it took everything in him just to get through each day and manage to hold on at work too. She said there was nothing to forgive and that she understood he needed to focus on himself and to heal but said that he had hurt her, a lot, by keeping her in the dark and instead turning to Jensen.
She asked him why and he couldn’t explain it because he didn’t really understand it himself. She told him she would support him with whatever he needed, be there anytime he needed her but she didn’t think they could go on as a couple because he obviously hadn’t trusted her enough to tell her or loved her enough to want her to be the one to help him. When he protested she gently asked him to look into his heart and ask himself if she was wrong. She wasn’t angry, she was just really sad and said that maybe them being together was just not meant to be and sometimes it took something truly life shattering to realize it. She told him that even though her heart was broken she would eventually get over it and the most important thing was for Jared to focus on healing and that she would never abandon him, all he ever had to do was pick up the phone and she would be there for him and that he would always be one of the most important people in her life.
Strangely, after she’d ended things he was able to hold her and be held so they cried for a while in each others' arms. Things remained pretty quiet for the rest of the day with neither really knowing what to say to the other. They watched the rain fall through the windows like the weather was matching how they both felt.
Early in the evening she turned to him and said, “I could still stay if you want me to but I’m not what you need right now am I? You’re hurting and me being here is making things harder for you and I don’t want to do that to you, I only want what's best for you. I should go home and you should call Jensen.”
He didn’t look up and just said quietly, “I’m sorry.”
“I know, baby, I know. It’s not your fault.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too, I’ll always love you, no matter what.”
And he did love her but something fundamental had changed in him the night those three men had shattered him body and soul. He hated himself for feeling relieved at their breakup. He should have felt heartbroken but instead he felt numb like a part of him had died that night, the part that was capable of loving and being loved.
She packed up her bag while he called Jensen from the bedroom and then she called a cab to take her to the airport. When it arrived he walked her to the door.
“Jared, I meant what I said, if you need me for anything at any time you don’t hesitate to call me. I’ll call and check in with you okay?” He nodded. “I love you so much and I just want you to get better.”
“I love you too. I’m so sorry.”
She pulled him to her gently, hugged him and murmured, “Shh, you just do whatever you need to. I hope Jensen can give you what you need.”
And then she walked away and got into her cab and they both let their tears fall again.
Chapter 6
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2013-09-03 05:41 pm (UTC)I don't think Jared stopped loving Lauren, but what happened to him make him feel dirty.. and not worthy of her love... I think this is crap, but I've never been in either side in this kind of situation, so my opinion is just nothing compared to what somebody like Jared had gone through the hands of those SOBs... (I do hope you make them suffer a lot too, pls!!!)
Jared only trusts Jensen and can't let anybody else enter... I hope Jensen is strong enough to help and guide him back to what he once was...
Tks for sharing, as usual, waiting for the next...
Take care,
Cla;}
no subject
Date: 2013-09-03 06:18 pm (UTC)And don't worry, there will be justice.
Thanks for taking the time to comment.
no subject
Date: 2013-09-04 03:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-09-04 03:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-09-04 03:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-09-04 04:15 pm (UTC)So glad you liked my choice of Lauren. I'm sticking with actors from Supernatural in this and although Bela was a bitch, she's likeable in other stuff and I wanted to go with someone a little unexpected. Wait til you see who Jensen's ex wife is ;)
Thanks for your comment!
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Date: 2013-09-04 10:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-09-05 01:56 am (UTC)Edition 2,660
Date: 2013-09-05 02:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-09-14 12:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-09-18 06:54 pm (UTC)Looking forward to reading more.
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Date: 2013-09-19 01:03 am (UTC)Glad you're enjoying it. I've just posted the next chapter.
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Date: 2013-09-19 01:56 pm (UTC)Awesome!
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Date: 2014-04-27 04:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-04-28 03:48 am (UTC)