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Learning to Breathe 2/?
Chapter Two: Barely Breathing
Rating: NC17
Genre: RPS AU
Characters/ Pairings: Jared/Jensen
Word Count: 2320
Warnings: This fic contains non-con/sexual assault. This chapter does not contain any graphic references but future chapters will.
Disclaimer: This story in no way represents the actors' real lives. I think of them as actors cast in the roles of fictional characters and the story is strictly AU.
Author’s Notes: No real names of family members will ever be used in any of my fics. All characters are CW actors or original characters. This chapter has a few details of the assault but once again nothing graphic. A warning ahead of time that chapter three may be very difficult for some people to read and could contain triggers for some people. There will also be a graphic flashback scene down the track but fair warning will be given. All chapter titles are the names of songs. Chapter title is from Barely Breathing by Dunkan Sheik.
After around 30 minutes Jensen heard the water being shut off. He’d spent the last half hour trying to think of a way to convince Jared to let him take him to a hospital. He knew why Jared didn’t want to go but also knew why he had to make him. He would need to have x-rays done and Christ, he probably needed stitches. That thought made his stomach lurch and he fought back nausea – him losing it was the last thing Jared needed. He felt sick that something like this could happen to anyone at all let alone someone as gentle and sweet-natured as Jared. God, he wanted to kill the bastards who did this – literally rip them limb from limb – but he couldn’t let his anger get the better of him because Jared was going to need his support, even though he didn’t have the first clue how to even begin to help him through something like this. Jared hadn’t even told him what had happened yet but Jensen had to tell him that he knew. As much as he respected his friend’s right to privacy, he had to convince him to get medical treatment and fast. What if the sick fucks had HIV or something?
Then he heard retching.
“I’m coming in okay?”
There was no answer, just more vomiting so he opened the door. Jared had the sweatpants on but no shirt and was curled around the toilet bowl with his injured hand resting on the seat. Jensen walked to the sink and wet a washcloth then hunched down next to the pitiful figure of his best friend. Jared lifted his head up and the look on his face punched the air out of Jensen’s lungs. The only word he could think of that suitably described it was broken. Jensen wiped the sweat off Jared’s face and placed the cool washcloth on the back of his neck which drew his attention to an egg of a lump just behind his ear. What the hell else did they do to him?
“Are you done? Can I try and get you up or do you need to stay here awhile?” He filled a glass of water and passed it over and Jared rinsed his mouth and spit into the bowl then hung his head for a moment.
“I think I’m done.”
“I’m going to hook my arms under your armpits but let me know if I’m hurting you.” He helped him to his feet and stood just behind him for support while the unsteady man brushed his teeth.
“Will you stay with me please?”
“Not going anywhere, I promise. Come on let’s get you over to the bed.” Jared shuffled through the bathroom door into his bedroom and over to the bed while Jensen held his arm to steady him and he sank down sideways onto the covers and pulled his knees up. Jensen sat down beside him and tentatively stroked his wet hair.
“I know you don’t want to go to the ER but I think you really need to. You may have a concussion and...I saw all the blood, dude. You need to see a doctor. I don’t want to scare you but apart from needing treatment for your injuries, you need to get tested and maybe get on some meds. God, I can only imagine how terrifying this is for you but you need to be safe.”
Jared started to sob again and grabbed a fistful of the other man’s sweater. Jensen scooted back so he was leaning against the headboard and lifted Jared’s head into his lap and kept smoothing his hair until he sobbed himself out.
“Can we go see a doctor tomorrow? I just can’t face it now. It’s not urgent, nothing is broken and,” his voice hitched, “the bleeding isn’t as bad now.”
“I wish you’d let me take you now, Jared, we need to get you seen as soon as possible. There are drugs you can take in case...well you know.”
“It’s not an issue.”
“Of course it's an issue, you can’t ignore it and hope it goes away,” he said as gently as possible.
“They didn’t...he didn’t fuck me bare,” he squeezed his eyes shut as the tears started again, “They used condoms, the bastards said they didn’t want to catch any fag-ass diseases.”
“They didn’t fuck you, Jared, they raped you.” The statement brought on a fresh wave of sobbing. “Oh God, I’m so sorry this happened to you.”
Jared carefully pushed himself up further and leaned his head against Jensen's chest so he put his arms around him and held him as firmly as he could without causing him more pain.
“I'll think about seeing a doctor tomorrow, I'm just...I'm so tired. Will you sleep in here with me? I’m scared to be alone.”
As much as he wanted to drag him to the hospital Jensen couldn't bring himself to argue with Jared while he was so traumatized. "Yeah man, whatever you need for as long as you need it. I’m going to have to wake you up every hour or so anyway. I know you need to rest but you have a massive lump on your head and you’ve been hurling so I’m worried you might be concussed.”
“Yeah okay, but that’s not why I was throwing up.” They sat in silence for a few minutes and then Jared spoke, “Thanks for being here.” He gripped tighter and Jensen leaned down and kissed the top of his head.
“C’mon, let me get you under the covers and I’ll get you some Tylenol, it’s not much but it might help a little. Are the dogs already at the boarding place?”
Both of them had made plans this weekend. Jared was supposed to fly out to see his girlfriend Lauren, a TV actress who was currently filming in Chicago and Jensen was meant to fly out to see his big sister Elizabeth in Seattle.
“Yeah, my flight tomorrow...today... was going to be early. Damn Jensen, you’re flying out today too aren’t you? I’m so sorry, you should go home, I’ll be okay.”
“Not going anywhere my friend, I’m staying here with you. I’ll jump online, cancel our flights and make a couple of calls in a few hours and let Lauren and Elizabeth know we won’t be coming.”
Jared immediately became agitated, “Please don’t tell them, I don’t want anyone to know. Promise me you won’t say anything Jensen, please, promise me.”
“Sshhh, sshhh, it’s okay, you gotta calm down. I‘m just going to say you’re sick and I’m staying here with you. I won’t say anything. It’s up to you who you want to tell and when. I’ll just say you have stomach flu or something, I promise. Sshhh.” When the shaking finally stopped he went to get the Tylenol and water and Jared’s laptop so he could cancel their flights. When he came back in he was surprised to find that despite the pain and mental anguish he must have be going through, exhaustion had taken Jared under, although even in sleep he was frowning.
A little while later, just as Jensen was tossing up whether to wake him to check on him or leave it for another half hour, Jared started to make fretful noises in an obvious nightmare. He clicked on the bedside lamp and very gently put his hand on his friend’s shoulder. Jared came up swinging and even though he was quick to move he wasn’t quite quick enough and he copped a glancing blow to the jaw.
“Jared, it’s me, it’s Jensen, you’re okay, it’s just me.”
Jared’s eyes looked wild, he was flailing and it took a few seconds for him to be conscious of his surroundings. Gulping in huge breaths his eyes finally focused and only then did Jensen put his arms around him whispering reassuringly, “It’s okay, you’re okay, you’re safe.” Jared stiffened beneath his arms so he quickly pulled back realizing he’d probably done the worst possible thing in touching him without Jared first initiating contact. What was meant to comfort probably scared him even more. “Sorry, you were having a bad dream. I didn’t mean...”
“Um, no, it’s alright, it’s just...um...give me a second to...”
“Yeah, yeah, of course. You need anything?”
“I’ll take the Tylenol now. Damn it, everything hurts so bad. Jeez, did I just hit you?”
“Just a bump, nothing to worry about. I shouldn’t have woken you like that.”
“No, God. I’m glad you did.” He was still struggling to catch his breath properly. “Sorry. Shit, I was right back there. Jesus.”
“I wish I had something stronger to give you,” Jensen handed over the Tylenol and water, “do you want to talk about it? You don’t have to of course but I mean...if you want to you can. I don’t even know where it happened or how.”
“Yeah...yeah okay. We went for a beer after work at that bar near the studio that I took you to last week. We weren’t there long – an hour or so. I got there maybe ten minutes after the guys but I had to park out back because the front lot was full. When I was walking to my car I got jumped. They were waiting for me.”
“What, you mean you think they were waiting to just grab someone?”
Jared visibly shuddered. “No, I think they were waiting for me specifically. They knew who I was, they...they hurt me.” His head dropped and he started picking at the sheet. “They called me by name. Someone hit me from behind and knocked me out,” his voice was so quiet Jensen had to strain to hear it, ”they called me a fag and then...they...two of them held me down...told me it was what I wanted...that I was going to enjoy it...and...” His voice broke into sobs again. “I tried to fight them, I did, I really did.”
“I know you did, Jared, you didn’t do anything wrong,” he tentatively held his hand out to touch his friend’s arm, “it was those savage bastards, not you, do you hear me? They hurt you because they're cowardly animals. You didn’t deserve this.”
Jared took the offered hand in his uninjured one and slid over until he could lay his head on Jensen’s shoulder. He was crying and hunched in an awkward position because it was obvious that no matter which way he leaned, something was hurting so Jensen told him to scoot down, gently rolled him further onto his less injured side and pulled his head down so it was resting against his chest and asked, “Is this okay? How about I hold you while you sleep?” He felt the nod more than saw it so he put one hand loosely on the larger man’s arm and stroked his hair with the other until eventually the tears stopped, exhaustion overwhelmed again and sleep took him.
After gently semi-waking him a few more times to check he wasn’t actually unconscious Jensen finally decided that if he was concussed it wasn’t to a worrying level so he let him sleep on. It was fitful sleep and obviously not dreamless but if he stroked Jared’s hair at the first sign of distress he seemed to settle. He got a couple of hours of sleep himself in fits and starts but after a while the horror of it all overwhelmed him and he quietly slipped out of bed and went to make himself some coffee. He broke down for a few minutes in the kitchen but pulled himself together so he could make the ‘Jared is sick’ calls he promised to. Then he broke down again. He couldn’t believe that anyone could want to hurt such a sweet guy, Jared was a gentle giant.
It had been playing on his mind that Jared said they had targeted him. Was it some sort of sick stalker type thing or was it a hate crime because he’d played a gay man in a movie? Perhaps it was just that they’d been out to find a victim and happened upon someone famous enough for them to recognize and that's why they'd called him by name. If he couldn’t convince Jared to go to the police then he’d have to have to convince him to tell Samantha Ferris, his manager, at the very least because he would need some sort of protection. Maybe he’d been followed from the studio. Oh crap, did they get his wallet? Do they know where he lives? Fuck!
He bounded off to the bathroom to check the pockets of Jared’s jeans – no wallet. He ran to the hall table where they usually put their keys – no wallet. Fuck, fuck, fuck! Just before he was about to go and wake Jared and ask him – the very last thing he wanted to do – he remembered he would’ve been wearing a jacket. It was pretty cold so maybe it was in his jacket. He found it crumpled and soiled on the floor of the living room and, thank God, the wallet was in the pocket. He slumped onto the sofa with his head in his hands and his heart going a mile a minute, his system awash with adrenaline.
He grabbed the newspaper that had been delivered and went back to bed to read so he could be there when Jared woke up, although he gave up after a few minutes because, with his mind whirling, he couldn’t focus on the print. He couldn’t stop thinking about what this was going to do to his friend; his open, funny, generous and trusting friend. He sent up a silent prayer asking whichever deity that would listen that this not destroy everything that makes Jared the person he is and to give him the strength to be able to do whatever was needed to help Jared get through this.
Chapter three.
Rating: NC17
Genre: RPS AU
Characters/ Pairings: Jared/Jensen
Word Count: 2320
Warnings: This fic contains non-con/sexual assault. This chapter does not contain any graphic references but future chapters will.
Disclaimer: This story in no way represents the actors' real lives. I think of them as actors cast in the roles of fictional characters and the story is strictly AU.
Author’s Notes: No real names of family members will ever be used in any of my fics. All characters are CW actors or original characters. This chapter has a few details of the assault but once again nothing graphic. A warning ahead of time that chapter three may be very difficult for some people to read and could contain triggers for some people. There will also be a graphic flashback scene down the track but fair warning will be given. All chapter titles are the names of songs. Chapter title is from Barely Breathing by Dunkan Sheik.
Chapter Two - Barely Breathing
After around 30 minutes Jensen heard the water being shut off. He’d spent the last half hour trying to think of a way to convince Jared to let him take him to a hospital. He knew why Jared didn’t want to go but also knew why he had to make him. He would need to have x-rays done and Christ, he probably needed stitches. That thought made his stomach lurch and he fought back nausea – him losing it was the last thing Jared needed. He felt sick that something like this could happen to anyone at all let alone someone as gentle and sweet-natured as Jared. God, he wanted to kill the bastards who did this – literally rip them limb from limb – but he couldn’t let his anger get the better of him because Jared was going to need his support, even though he didn’t have the first clue how to even begin to help him through something like this. Jared hadn’t even told him what had happened yet but Jensen had to tell him that he knew. As much as he respected his friend’s right to privacy, he had to convince him to get medical treatment and fast. What if the sick fucks had HIV or something?
Then he heard retching.
“I’m coming in okay?”
There was no answer, just more vomiting so he opened the door. Jared had the sweatpants on but no shirt and was curled around the toilet bowl with his injured hand resting on the seat. Jensen walked to the sink and wet a washcloth then hunched down next to the pitiful figure of his best friend. Jared lifted his head up and the look on his face punched the air out of Jensen’s lungs. The only word he could think of that suitably described it was broken. Jensen wiped the sweat off Jared’s face and placed the cool washcloth on the back of his neck which drew his attention to an egg of a lump just behind his ear. What the hell else did they do to him?
“Are you done? Can I try and get you up or do you need to stay here awhile?” He filled a glass of water and passed it over and Jared rinsed his mouth and spit into the bowl then hung his head for a moment.
“I think I’m done.”
“I’m going to hook my arms under your armpits but let me know if I’m hurting you.” He helped him to his feet and stood just behind him for support while the unsteady man brushed his teeth.
“Will you stay with me please?”
“Not going anywhere, I promise. Come on let’s get you over to the bed.” Jared shuffled through the bathroom door into his bedroom and over to the bed while Jensen held his arm to steady him and he sank down sideways onto the covers and pulled his knees up. Jensen sat down beside him and tentatively stroked his wet hair.
“I know you don’t want to go to the ER but I think you really need to. You may have a concussion and...I saw all the blood, dude. You need to see a doctor. I don’t want to scare you but apart from needing treatment for your injuries, you need to get tested and maybe get on some meds. God, I can only imagine how terrifying this is for you but you need to be safe.”
Jared started to sob again and grabbed a fistful of the other man’s sweater. Jensen scooted back so he was leaning against the headboard and lifted Jared’s head into his lap and kept smoothing his hair until he sobbed himself out.
“Can we go see a doctor tomorrow? I just can’t face it now. It’s not urgent, nothing is broken and,” his voice hitched, “the bleeding isn’t as bad now.”
“I wish you’d let me take you now, Jared, we need to get you seen as soon as possible. There are drugs you can take in case...well you know.”
“It’s not an issue.”
“Of course it's an issue, you can’t ignore it and hope it goes away,” he said as gently as possible.
“They didn’t...he didn’t fuck me bare,” he squeezed his eyes shut as the tears started again, “They used condoms, the bastards said they didn’t want to catch any fag-ass diseases.”
“They didn’t fuck you, Jared, they raped you.” The statement brought on a fresh wave of sobbing. “Oh God, I’m so sorry this happened to you.”
Jared carefully pushed himself up further and leaned his head against Jensen's chest so he put his arms around him and held him as firmly as he could without causing him more pain.
“I'll think about seeing a doctor tomorrow, I'm just...I'm so tired. Will you sleep in here with me? I’m scared to be alone.”
As much as he wanted to drag him to the hospital Jensen couldn't bring himself to argue with Jared while he was so traumatized. "Yeah man, whatever you need for as long as you need it. I’m going to have to wake you up every hour or so anyway. I know you need to rest but you have a massive lump on your head and you’ve been hurling so I’m worried you might be concussed.”
“Yeah okay, but that’s not why I was throwing up.” They sat in silence for a few minutes and then Jared spoke, “Thanks for being here.” He gripped tighter and Jensen leaned down and kissed the top of his head.
“C’mon, let me get you under the covers and I’ll get you some Tylenol, it’s not much but it might help a little. Are the dogs already at the boarding place?”
Both of them had made plans this weekend. Jared was supposed to fly out to see his girlfriend Lauren, a TV actress who was currently filming in Chicago and Jensen was meant to fly out to see his big sister Elizabeth in Seattle.
“Yeah, my flight tomorrow...today... was going to be early. Damn Jensen, you’re flying out today too aren’t you? I’m so sorry, you should go home, I’ll be okay.”
“Not going anywhere my friend, I’m staying here with you. I’ll jump online, cancel our flights and make a couple of calls in a few hours and let Lauren and Elizabeth know we won’t be coming.”
Jared immediately became agitated, “Please don’t tell them, I don’t want anyone to know. Promise me you won’t say anything Jensen, please, promise me.”
“Sshhh, sshhh, it’s okay, you gotta calm down. I‘m just going to say you’re sick and I’m staying here with you. I won’t say anything. It’s up to you who you want to tell and when. I’ll just say you have stomach flu or something, I promise. Sshhh.” When the shaking finally stopped he went to get the Tylenol and water and Jared’s laptop so he could cancel their flights. When he came back in he was surprised to find that despite the pain and mental anguish he must have be going through, exhaustion had taken Jared under, although even in sleep he was frowning.
A little while later, just as Jensen was tossing up whether to wake him to check on him or leave it for another half hour, Jared started to make fretful noises in an obvious nightmare. He clicked on the bedside lamp and very gently put his hand on his friend’s shoulder. Jared came up swinging and even though he was quick to move he wasn’t quite quick enough and he copped a glancing blow to the jaw.
“Jared, it’s me, it’s Jensen, you’re okay, it’s just me.”
Jared’s eyes looked wild, he was flailing and it took a few seconds for him to be conscious of his surroundings. Gulping in huge breaths his eyes finally focused and only then did Jensen put his arms around him whispering reassuringly, “It’s okay, you’re okay, you’re safe.” Jared stiffened beneath his arms so he quickly pulled back realizing he’d probably done the worst possible thing in touching him without Jared first initiating contact. What was meant to comfort probably scared him even more. “Sorry, you were having a bad dream. I didn’t mean...”
“Um, no, it’s alright, it’s just...um...give me a second to...”
“Yeah, yeah, of course. You need anything?”
“I’ll take the Tylenol now. Damn it, everything hurts so bad. Jeez, did I just hit you?”
“Just a bump, nothing to worry about. I shouldn’t have woken you like that.”
“No, God. I’m glad you did.” He was still struggling to catch his breath properly. “Sorry. Shit, I was right back there. Jesus.”
“I wish I had something stronger to give you,” Jensen handed over the Tylenol and water, “do you want to talk about it? You don’t have to of course but I mean...if you want to you can. I don’t even know where it happened or how.”
“Yeah...yeah okay. We went for a beer after work at that bar near the studio that I took you to last week. We weren’t there long – an hour or so. I got there maybe ten minutes after the guys but I had to park out back because the front lot was full. When I was walking to my car I got jumped. They were waiting for me.”
“What, you mean you think they were waiting to just grab someone?”
Jared visibly shuddered. “No, I think they were waiting for me specifically. They knew who I was, they...they hurt me.” His head dropped and he started picking at the sheet. “They called me by name. Someone hit me from behind and knocked me out,” his voice was so quiet Jensen had to strain to hear it, ”they called me a fag and then...they...two of them held me down...told me it was what I wanted...that I was going to enjoy it...and...” His voice broke into sobs again. “I tried to fight them, I did, I really did.”
“I know you did, Jared, you didn’t do anything wrong,” he tentatively held his hand out to touch his friend’s arm, “it was those savage bastards, not you, do you hear me? They hurt you because they're cowardly animals. You didn’t deserve this.”
Jared took the offered hand in his uninjured one and slid over until he could lay his head on Jensen’s shoulder. He was crying and hunched in an awkward position because it was obvious that no matter which way he leaned, something was hurting so Jensen told him to scoot down, gently rolled him further onto his less injured side and pulled his head down so it was resting against his chest and asked, “Is this okay? How about I hold you while you sleep?” He felt the nod more than saw it so he put one hand loosely on the larger man’s arm and stroked his hair with the other until eventually the tears stopped, exhaustion overwhelmed again and sleep took him.
After gently semi-waking him a few more times to check he wasn’t actually unconscious Jensen finally decided that if he was concussed it wasn’t to a worrying level so he let him sleep on. It was fitful sleep and obviously not dreamless but if he stroked Jared’s hair at the first sign of distress he seemed to settle. He got a couple of hours of sleep himself in fits and starts but after a while the horror of it all overwhelmed him and he quietly slipped out of bed and went to make himself some coffee. He broke down for a few minutes in the kitchen but pulled himself together so he could make the ‘Jared is sick’ calls he promised to. Then he broke down again. He couldn’t believe that anyone could want to hurt such a sweet guy, Jared was a gentle giant.
It had been playing on his mind that Jared said they had targeted him. Was it some sort of sick stalker type thing or was it a hate crime because he’d played a gay man in a movie? Perhaps it was just that they’d been out to find a victim and happened upon someone famous enough for them to recognize and that's why they'd called him by name. If he couldn’t convince Jared to go to the police then he’d have to have to convince him to tell Samantha Ferris, his manager, at the very least because he would need some sort of protection. Maybe he’d been followed from the studio. Oh crap, did they get his wallet? Do they know where he lives? Fuck!
He bounded off to the bathroom to check the pockets of Jared’s jeans – no wallet. He ran to the hall table where they usually put their keys – no wallet. Fuck, fuck, fuck! Just before he was about to go and wake Jared and ask him – the very last thing he wanted to do – he remembered he would’ve been wearing a jacket. It was pretty cold so maybe it was in his jacket. He found it crumpled and soiled on the floor of the living room and, thank God, the wallet was in the pocket. He slumped onto the sofa with his head in his hands and his heart going a mile a minute, his system awash with adrenaline.
He grabbed the newspaper that had been delivered and went back to bed to read so he could be there when Jared woke up, although he gave up after a few minutes because, with his mind whirling, he couldn’t focus on the print. He couldn’t stop thinking about what this was going to do to his friend; his open, funny, generous and trusting friend. He sent up a silent prayer asking whichever deity that would listen that this not destroy everything that makes Jared the person he is and to give him the strength to be able to do whatever was needed to help Jared get through this.
Chapter three.
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