![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Entry tags:
Learning to Breathe 1/?
Chapter One: A Screaming Breath
Rating: NC17
Genre: RPS AU
Characters/ Pairings: Jared/Jensen
Word Count: 2420
Warnings: This fic contains non-con/sexual assault. This chapter does not contain any graphic references but future chapters will.
Disclaimer: This story in no way represents the actors' real lives. I think of them as actors cast in the roles of fictional characters and the story is strictly AU
Author’s Notes: No real names of family members will ever be used in any of my fics. All characters are CW actors or original characters. The title is taken from the song Learning to Breathe by Switchfoot. It seemed to fit. All chapter titles are song names. Chapter title from A Screaming Breath by Anacrusis.
It had been a long week. Jensen had been recording all week and the hours in the studio had been hellish. He’d spoken to his best friend earlier in the night when Jared had a break from filming and the actor had tried to convince Jensen to meet him and a couple of the guys from the crew for a late drink but he was wrecked and decided his bed sounded like a much more appealing option.
He and Jared had met a few years before when he had done a cameo in a movie that the young actor had been filming. They’d immediately hit it off and had become pretty much inseparable ever since – well at least as often as their busy schedules allowed. Jensen was already a chart-topping singer/songwriter by then and Jared’s movie career was just starting to take off after a string of small but memorable supporting roles. His last movie, portraying a troubled gay man in a bittersweet love story had cemented his place as a serious actor and there was a strong possibility he would be nominated for a Golden Globe award. It was a brave role to take on for a straight actor and Jensen couldn’t have been prouder of his friend’s stellar performance.
Jared had still had a few more hours of filming for the night when a couple of the crew had asked if he felt like grabbing a beer when he finished up and he had jumped at the chance to wind down for a while before heading home. He’d called and invited Jensen even though he’d pretty much known his friend would say no after the busy week Jared knew he’d had so he wasn’t really disappointed to be turned down, they would have plenty of time to catch up within the next few days. Jensen had finished recording his latest single that night and Jared’s role in the little indie flick he was filming was only small. He’d taken it as a favor to a friend who was directing it and also because the script was really good. His next major project was months away. He’d told the guys he’d meet them at the bar after he’d showered his character off – he’d been covered in mud.
It was nearly one in the morning when, after a couple of beers, everyone had been beat and decided to call it a night. The only thing on Jared’s mind had been how he was SO looking forward to a late morning sleep-in. He’d waved them off as everyone got up to walk to the parking lot, “See you guys next week, I’ve gotta take a leak and I’m parked out back anyways”.
As he rounded the corner toward his car a large man stepped in front of him making him jump.
“Shit, sorry man, you startled me,” he laughed nervously.
“Well if it isn’t the faggot movie star,” came the scowling response. Just as his brain was registering the threat he’d heard a noise behind him but before he’d had a chance to turn he was king hit in the back of the head and stars exploded as the ground rushed up to meet him.
ooOoo
Jensen vaguely registered the buzzing noise near his head but it took him a few seconds before he was pulled enough from sleep to realize it was his cell phone vibrating on the nightstand. Groaning he reached over to fumble for the phone and blearily saw the caller ID and the large numbers on his clock – 3.13AM – thinking, ‘I’m going to fucking kill you,’ as he pressed to answer. Before he had a chance to say, ‘This better be an emergency,’ he heard, “Jensen!” and then a gut wrenching sob.
Waking completely with a surge of adrenaline, he sat bolt upright. “Jared? What’s wrong?” All he could hear was his friend desperately sucking in huge gulps of air unable to speak, and then he made an awful keening sound. Jensen was already scrambling for the jeans he’d left on the end of his bed. “Jesus, what’s happened? Where are you?”
It sounded like Jared was hyperventilating and Jensen shouted, “Jared, where are you?” A choked, “home,” followed by more sobs had Jensen sprinting for his keys while trying to pull a sweater over his head and talk at the same time. “I’m on my way, are you hurt?” The only response was more choked sobbing. “Jared, answer me, do I need to call 911?” There were more keening noises and then, “No... just...please....come,” and the call was disconnected.
After breaking every speed limit and even running a red light Jensen pulled up twenty minutes later to the front of Jared’s house which was ominously in complete darkness. Jared’s car was parked skewed across the driveway with the door still open. He checked to make sure Jared wasn’t still in the car, threw the door closed and ran to the house.
He was so panicked he didn’t bother to knock, he just used his own key to let himself in. Jogging down the hallway, he called loudly for his friend before he saw Jared curled in the fetal position on the living room sofa. The only light in the room was from the streetlight shining through the open curtains. "Jesus!” He ran forward and reached for him only to have Jared scramble back with a look of abject terror on his face.
“Jared, it’s just me. I’m gonna turn on the light okay?”
“Don’t!” he almost shouted, startling the hell out of Jensen followed by an almost strangled, “please...don’t”.
“Okay, no light.”
Even with the dim lighting he could see panic and pain on his friend’s face. “What happened?”
As he reached forward again Jared pulled back, curling even further in on himself so Jensen snatched his hand back.
Fuck, what the hell was going on?
“I’ll just sit over here. I won’t touch you, is that okay?” The larger man looked like a small child or a wounded animal, he wasn’t sure which but he obviously had to tread very carefully to try and find out what on earth was going on. Jared gave a small nod as big fat tears rolled off his cheeks and plopped onto the sofa cushion. Jensen sat carefully at the end of the sofa and as his eyes began to adjust to the low light he started to pick out more details. Jared was still in a semi-fetal position, cradling his arm. He could see what looked like a split lip, bruising and an abrasion on his cheekbone. His hair was completely disheveled and his shirt was torn.
“Oh man, you’re hurt. Were you mugged?” The only reply was a muffled anguished wail as Jared turned and buried his face into the sofa cushion.
God damn it, he must be hurt really bad. He may be a big softy but he’s not weak, he wouldn’t be in this state over a few punches.
“Jared, I need to call an ambulance or let me take you to the ER, you must be hurt pretty bad, man.”
“No, no, no! No hospital.... pleeease!
“Can I at least turn on a lamp so I can see you properly? You’re scaring the hell out of me and I don’t know how injured you are. Please, dude?”
He let out a small sob then answered, “Okay”.
Jensen fumbled for the lamp on the table beside him and when he switched it on Jared made a small whimpering noise.
“Can you look at me so I can see your face? Are you able to sit up?”
When the wounded man looked up Jensen was shocked by the rapid emotions flitting across his face – anguish, confusion, pain and inexplicably – fear. He also looked a bit shocky and that was terrifying because it meant he could be really badly hurt. He was clammy, his eyes glassy and his breathing was all over the place.
“Can you sit up a bit?” A small head shake was the only response. “If you can’t sit up on your own I’m gonna call an ambulance.” His uninjured hand shot out and grabbed Jensen’s wrist. “No ambulance, just...just give me a minute.”
“Let me grab a blanket.” Jensen snagged the throw from the end of the sofa and draped it around the trembling man. “Is anything broken do you think? You’re clutching your arm. Is it your arm or your ribs?”
After a minute or so Jared took a breath and said, “Um, both. I don’t think anything is broken but I got kicked pretty hard and my hand was stomped on.”
“Aw fuck, can I take a look? Can you sit up a bit yet?”
He tried pulling himself up a little and winced when he was unable. The crying had not subsided since Jensen arrived but his breathing had evened out a little and he wasn’t sobbing for the moment, just weeping endless quiet tears.
“Can I help you sit up? Just tell me where not to touch so I don’t hurt you more than you are already.”
“My left side hurts but maybe if you just give me your arm I can pull myself up.”
“Okay, are you sure nothing is busted? Show me your hand.”
Jared pulled himself to a semi -sitting position but it was more like just leaning sideways against the back of the sofa and he gingerly held his hand out. It was swollen and Jensen thought he could actually see the tread mark pattern from a boot in the bruising that was forming.
“Can you move your fingers?” He did but it made him suck in a gasp. “I need to lift your shirt and check your ribs okay?” Jared nodded but when Jensen leaned forward he flinched and Jensen assumed it was fear of more pain. “I’ll be gentle, I promise.” He lifted the shirt to find a dark purple bruise around the size of a large apple. “Are you sure nothing is broken? I really think you need x-rays, man.”
“No, I drove myself home. It hurts but I can breathe and I can move so I think I’m just badly bruised.” He looked up with such anguish on his face that it broke Jensen’s heart. “They really hurt me, Jensen,” he started crying heavily again.
“They? There was more than one? Fuckers! Who did this, what the hell happened?”
“I can’t...I just...it’s...I really need a hot shower. Can you help me up?”
“No, you just sit there, I’ll get some ice and a wash cloth and towel and I’ll clean you up a bit first so I can see the damage. Your lip is bleeding and so is the palm of your hand and I need to see where else you’re hurt.”
“I just need a shower, please, I have to have a shower,” and suddenly he was wracked by sobs. Please....just h help...me...t to the...bathroom.”
“Okay, okay,” he said gently, “sling your arm over my shoulder and I’ll see if I can get you standing without hurting you too much. I need to get you into a sitting position first, if I try and pull you up at the angle you’re at now it’s going to tug on your ribs too much.” He tried to roll the man gently toward his body when Jared gasped loudly as he got to a sitting position and immediately surged upward almost toppling Jensen. “Hey, slowly now, okay?” He moved around to the other side of Jared’s body so he wasn’t putting pressure on his ribs or bruised and swollen hand and pulled the other man’s arm over his shoulder. As soon as they started to shuffle forward Jared began making little whimpering noises like every step he took caused him more pain.
When he got Jared to the bathroom he tried again to convince him to go to the ER and was once again refused. He couldn’t understand why Jared was being so stupidly stubborn, the man was obviously in a lot of pain but he also couldn’t force him to go either. “Do you need me to help you with the shower?”
“Um...uh...yeah. Could you turn the water on and help me get my shirt off?”
“Sure, of course.” He unbuttoned the shirt and as he removed it for him he used the chance to check for other injuries. There was the deep bruising on his ribs that he had seen before and numerous other bruises blooming on his torso and back. He also noticed finger mark bruises on both of Jared’s biceps and he sucked in his breath. “Christ, someone held you while someone else beat you didn’t they?” Jared gave a small nod. “How many were there?”
“Three, I think.”
“Fuck, we gotta call the cops man.”
“No, no cops! I mean...there’s no point, I didn’t get a proper look at any of them. They jumped me. Can we talk about it later? I really gotta shower.”
“Yeah...yeah, of course. Come on and I’ll help you with your jeans.”
“No!”
Jensen startled. It’s not like they hadn’t seen each other in various states of undress before and Jared was not body shy in the least.
“I mean, I can do it myself. Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap, I know you’re just trying to help. Sorry.”
“It’s cool. I’ll just wait out here in case you need anything. If you start to feel faint or anything just shout out. I think you’re in shock and I don’t want you falling and cracking your skull. Are you sure you can manage on your own?”
“Yeah, I think so. Can you get me some sweatpants and a t-shirt?”
“Of course.”
Jensen turned the water on and tried to get it to a good temperature and then went off to get the clothes. He came back a couple of minutes later and cracked open the door so he could put them inside. Jared must’ve turned the water to near scalding with the amount of steam that billowed out. Jensen placed the fresh clothes on the top of the hamper and just as he turned to leave two things happened, Jared started to sob loudly and Jensen noticed the heavily bloodstained underwear on the floor. He stepped out, quietly closed the door and slid down the wall. The world started to spin and he had to put his head between his knees as black spots danced across his vision.
Jesus, fuck! No!
Chapter 2
Rating: NC17
Genre: RPS AU
Characters/ Pairings: Jared/Jensen
Word Count: 2420
Warnings: This fic contains non-con/sexual assault. This chapter does not contain any graphic references but future chapters will.
Disclaimer: This story in no way represents the actors' real lives. I think of them as actors cast in the roles of fictional characters and the story is strictly AU
Author’s Notes: No real names of family members will ever be used in any of my fics. All characters are CW actors or original characters. The title is taken from the song Learning to Breathe by Switchfoot. It seemed to fit. All chapter titles are song names. Chapter title from A Screaming Breath by Anacrusis.
Chapter One - A Screaming Breath
It had been a long week. Jensen had been recording all week and the hours in the studio had been hellish. He’d spoken to his best friend earlier in the night when Jared had a break from filming and the actor had tried to convince Jensen to meet him and a couple of the guys from the crew for a late drink but he was wrecked and decided his bed sounded like a much more appealing option.
He and Jared had met a few years before when he had done a cameo in a movie that the young actor had been filming. They’d immediately hit it off and had become pretty much inseparable ever since – well at least as often as their busy schedules allowed. Jensen was already a chart-topping singer/songwriter by then and Jared’s movie career was just starting to take off after a string of small but memorable supporting roles. His last movie, portraying a troubled gay man in a bittersweet love story had cemented his place as a serious actor and there was a strong possibility he would be nominated for a Golden Globe award. It was a brave role to take on for a straight actor and Jensen couldn’t have been prouder of his friend’s stellar performance.
Jared had still had a few more hours of filming for the night when a couple of the crew had asked if he felt like grabbing a beer when he finished up and he had jumped at the chance to wind down for a while before heading home. He’d called and invited Jensen even though he’d pretty much known his friend would say no after the busy week Jared knew he’d had so he wasn’t really disappointed to be turned down, they would have plenty of time to catch up within the next few days. Jensen had finished recording his latest single that night and Jared’s role in the little indie flick he was filming was only small. He’d taken it as a favor to a friend who was directing it and also because the script was really good. His next major project was months away. He’d told the guys he’d meet them at the bar after he’d showered his character off – he’d been covered in mud.
It was nearly one in the morning when, after a couple of beers, everyone had been beat and decided to call it a night. The only thing on Jared’s mind had been how he was SO looking forward to a late morning sleep-in. He’d waved them off as everyone got up to walk to the parking lot, “See you guys next week, I’ve gotta take a leak and I’m parked out back anyways”.
As he rounded the corner toward his car a large man stepped in front of him making him jump.
“Shit, sorry man, you startled me,” he laughed nervously.
“Well if it isn’t the faggot movie star,” came the scowling response. Just as his brain was registering the threat he’d heard a noise behind him but before he’d had a chance to turn he was king hit in the back of the head and stars exploded as the ground rushed up to meet him.
ooOoo
Jensen vaguely registered the buzzing noise near his head but it took him a few seconds before he was pulled enough from sleep to realize it was his cell phone vibrating on the nightstand. Groaning he reached over to fumble for the phone and blearily saw the caller ID and the large numbers on his clock – 3.13AM – thinking, ‘I’m going to fucking kill you,’ as he pressed to answer. Before he had a chance to say, ‘This better be an emergency,’ he heard, “Jensen!” and then a gut wrenching sob.
Waking completely with a surge of adrenaline, he sat bolt upright. “Jared? What’s wrong?” All he could hear was his friend desperately sucking in huge gulps of air unable to speak, and then he made an awful keening sound. Jensen was already scrambling for the jeans he’d left on the end of his bed. “Jesus, what’s happened? Where are you?”
It sounded like Jared was hyperventilating and Jensen shouted, “Jared, where are you?” A choked, “home,” followed by more sobs had Jensen sprinting for his keys while trying to pull a sweater over his head and talk at the same time. “I’m on my way, are you hurt?” The only response was more choked sobbing. “Jared, answer me, do I need to call 911?” There were more keening noises and then, “No... just...please....come,” and the call was disconnected.
After breaking every speed limit and even running a red light Jensen pulled up twenty minutes later to the front of Jared’s house which was ominously in complete darkness. Jared’s car was parked skewed across the driveway with the door still open. He checked to make sure Jared wasn’t still in the car, threw the door closed and ran to the house.
He was so panicked he didn’t bother to knock, he just used his own key to let himself in. Jogging down the hallway, he called loudly for his friend before he saw Jared curled in the fetal position on the living room sofa. The only light in the room was from the streetlight shining through the open curtains. "Jesus!” He ran forward and reached for him only to have Jared scramble back with a look of abject terror on his face.
“Jared, it’s just me. I’m gonna turn on the light okay?”
“Don’t!” he almost shouted, startling the hell out of Jensen followed by an almost strangled, “please...don’t”.
“Okay, no light.”
Even with the dim lighting he could see panic and pain on his friend’s face. “What happened?”
As he reached forward again Jared pulled back, curling even further in on himself so Jensen snatched his hand back.
Fuck, what the hell was going on?
“I’ll just sit over here. I won’t touch you, is that okay?” The larger man looked like a small child or a wounded animal, he wasn’t sure which but he obviously had to tread very carefully to try and find out what on earth was going on. Jared gave a small nod as big fat tears rolled off his cheeks and plopped onto the sofa cushion. Jensen sat carefully at the end of the sofa and as his eyes began to adjust to the low light he started to pick out more details. Jared was still in a semi-fetal position, cradling his arm. He could see what looked like a split lip, bruising and an abrasion on his cheekbone. His hair was completely disheveled and his shirt was torn.
“Oh man, you’re hurt. Were you mugged?” The only reply was a muffled anguished wail as Jared turned and buried his face into the sofa cushion.
God damn it, he must be hurt really bad. He may be a big softy but he’s not weak, he wouldn’t be in this state over a few punches.
“Jared, I need to call an ambulance or let me take you to the ER, you must be hurt pretty bad, man.”
“No, no, no! No hospital.... pleeease!
“Can I at least turn on a lamp so I can see you properly? You’re scaring the hell out of me and I don’t know how injured you are. Please, dude?”
He let out a small sob then answered, “Okay”.
Jensen fumbled for the lamp on the table beside him and when he switched it on Jared made a small whimpering noise.
“Can you look at me so I can see your face? Are you able to sit up?”
When the wounded man looked up Jensen was shocked by the rapid emotions flitting across his face – anguish, confusion, pain and inexplicably – fear. He also looked a bit shocky and that was terrifying because it meant he could be really badly hurt. He was clammy, his eyes glassy and his breathing was all over the place.
“Can you sit up a bit?” A small head shake was the only response. “If you can’t sit up on your own I’m gonna call an ambulance.” His uninjured hand shot out and grabbed Jensen’s wrist. “No ambulance, just...just give me a minute.”
“Let me grab a blanket.” Jensen snagged the throw from the end of the sofa and draped it around the trembling man. “Is anything broken do you think? You’re clutching your arm. Is it your arm or your ribs?”
After a minute or so Jared took a breath and said, “Um, both. I don’t think anything is broken but I got kicked pretty hard and my hand was stomped on.”
“Aw fuck, can I take a look? Can you sit up a bit yet?”
He tried pulling himself up a little and winced when he was unable. The crying had not subsided since Jensen arrived but his breathing had evened out a little and he wasn’t sobbing for the moment, just weeping endless quiet tears.
“Can I help you sit up? Just tell me where not to touch so I don’t hurt you more than you are already.”
“My left side hurts but maybe if you just give me your arm I can pull myself up.”
“Okay, are you sure nothing is busted? Show me your hand.”
Jared pulled himself to a semi -sitting position but it was more like just leaning sideways against the back of the sofa and he gingerly held his hand out. It was swollen and Jensen thought he could actually see the tread mark pattern from a boot in the bruising that was forming.
“Can you move your fingers?” He did but it made him suck in a gasp. “I need to lift your shirt and check your ribs okay?” Jared nodded but when Jensen leaned forward he flinched and Jensen assumed it was fear of more pain. “I’ll be gentle, I promise.” He lifted the shirt to find a dark purple bruise around the size of a large apple. “Are you sure nothing is broken? I really think you need x-rays, man.”
“No, I drove myself home. It hurts but I can breathe and I can move so I think I’m just badly bruised.” He looked up with such anguish on his face that it broke Jensen’s heart. “They really hurt me, Jensen,” he started crying heavily again.
“They? There was more than one? Fuckers! Who did this, what the hell happened?”
“I can’t...I just...it’s...I really need a hot shower. Can you help me up?”
“No, you just sit there, I’ll get some ice and a wash cloth and towel and I’ll clean you up a bit first so I can see the damage. Your lip is bleeding and so is the palm of your hand and I need to see where else you’re hurt.”
“I just need a shower, please, I have to have a shower,” and suddenly he was wracked by sobs. Please....just h help...me...t to the...bathroom.”
“Okay, okay,” he said gently, “sling your arm over my shoulder and I’ll see if I can get you standing without hurting you too much. I need to get you into a sitting position first, if I try and pull you up at the angle you’re at now it’s going to tug on your ribs too much.” He tried to roll the man gently toward his body when Jared gasped loudly as he got to a sitting position and immediately surged upward almost toppling Jensen. “Hey, slowly now, okay?” He moved around to the other side of Jared’s body so he wasn’t putting pressure on his ribs or bruised and swollen hand and pulled the other man’s arm over his shoulder. As soon as they started to shuffle forward Jared began making little whimpering noises like every step he took caused him more pain.
When he got Jared to the bathroom he tried again to convince him to go to the ER and was once again refused. He couldn’t understand why Jared was being so stupidly stubborn, the man was obviously in a lot of pain but he also couldn’t force him to go either. “Do you need me to help you with the shower?”
“Um...uh...yeah. Could you turn the water on and help me get my shirt off?”
“Sure, of course.” He unbuttoned the shirt and as he removed it for him he used the chance to check for other injuries. There was the deep bruising on his ribs that he had seen before and numerous other bruises blooming on his torso and back. He also noticed finger mark bruises on both of Jared’s biceps and he sucked in his breath. “Christ, someone held you while someone else beat you didn’t they?” Jared gave a small nod. “How many were there?”
“Three, I think.”
“Fuck, we gotta call the cops man.”
“No, no cops! I mean...there’s no point, I didn’t get a proper look at any of them. They jumped me. Can we talk about it later? I really gotta shower.”
“Yeah...yeah, of course. Come on and I’ll help you with your jeans.”
“No!”
Jensen startled. It’s not like they hadn’t seen each other in various states of undress before and Jared was not body shy in the least.
“I mean, I can do it myself. Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap, I know you’re just trying to help. Sorry.”
“It’s cool. I’ll just wait out here in case you need anything. If you start to feel faint or anything just shout out. I think you’re in shock and I don’t want you falling and cracking your skull. Are you sure you can manage on your own?”
“Yeah, I think so. Can you get me some sweatpants and a t-shirt?”
“Of course.”
Jensen turned the water on and tried to get it to a good temperature and then went off to get the clothes. He came back a couple of minutes later and cracked open the door so he could put them inside. Jared must’ve turned the water to near scalding with the amount of steam that billowed out. Jensen placed the fresh clothes on the top of the hamper and just as he turned to leave two things happened, Jared started to sob loudly and Jensen noticed the heavily bloodstained underwear on the floor. He stepped out, quietly closed the door and slid down the wall. The world started to spin and he had to put his head between his knees as black spots danced across his vision.
Jesus, fuck! No!
Chapter 2